"The wind can carry us all away from here...

Myspace Survey - I am that bored

Thu, 24 May 2007 01:12:49 GMT

-Prologue-

1. WHO took your default pic?
Myself

2. Exactly what are you wearing right now?
Purple shorts and a black teeshirt

3. What is your current problem?
My car

4. What makes you most happy?
Being with people I am close to

5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
Nothing right now

6. Do you like MTV?
Absolutely not

7. Name something that annoys you about people:
It all depends

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Chapter 1

1. Nickname(s):
Becks, Becky, Becca

2. eye color?
Blue-grey

3. hair color?
Dyed black

4. height
5'4" and a half

5. Favourite feature
Uhhhh, I am not sure I have a favorite...

6. Worst Feature
The nose

7. Job
Ramsey Outdoor

8.School
Ramapo College of New Jersey

9. Major
Environmental Studies

10. Dream Job
That I really don't know yet, I think it could change fairly frequently

........................................................................................................

Chapter 2:

FAMILY

1. Do you live with your parent(s)?
I live with my aunt right now

2. Do you get along with your parent(s)?
Err...you know

3. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Deeeeevorced

4. Do you have any Siblings?
A brother and two half brothers

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Chapter 3:
FAVORITE

1. Ice Cream:
Soy Delish

2. season:
Fall

3. color:
Burgundy and black

4: Soda:
Really anything diet

5. Drink DRINK:
Oooh beer. Most anything by Dogfish, Ommegang, or Victory

6.Movie:
Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore, Requiem...oooh they all start with R

7. TV Show:
I don't really watch it, but I suppose Seinfeld if I had to choose

8. Fav Past time:
Hiking, running, reading, tennis lately, bike riding...a lot

9. Sport:
See above

10. Food:
Bagels and tofu

11. Candy:
Gum?

12. Quality in a guy/girl
Someone genuine

14. Fast Food Joint
None, but I do want to try BK Veggie Burger just cause

15. Coffee Beverage
Mmmm black and flavored

16. Book
That's a tough one, so many...mostly Sherman Alexie books

17. Magazine
None really

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Chapter 4:
DO YOU-

1. Write on your hand?
Frequently

2. Call people back?
Generally

3. Do you believe in love?
Yes

5. Have any mental health issue?
Nothing serious

7. Dance?
Ohhh no. I have, but that only happens when I am very under the influence

8. Workout?
I run, hike, bike, and play tennis quite regularly

9. Play sports?
Not really

10. Have a bf/gf?
I do

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Chapter 5:
Have You...

1. Broken a bone?
Not yet, it's only a matter of time

3. Had physical therapy?
No

5.Taken pain killers?
No

6. Have you ever gone scubadiving/snorkling.
No but I would like to

7. Been stung by a bee?
Yes

8. Thrown up at a doctors office?
Probably

9. Sworn in front of your parents?
Yes

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Chapter 6:
Who/what was the last:

1. Movie you saw in the movie theatres?
Aqua teen

2. Person to text you?
Dan

5. Thing you touched?
This keyboard

6. Thing you ate?
Crackers

7. Things u said?
I called my mom and she asked if she could call me back so I said okay

8. Had a detention?
I think in 7th grade, because I didn't answer three homework problems

9. Got Sh*t faced?
Definitely within the past week, it happens so easily

10. Thing you bought?
An oil change and tire rotation

11. Person talked to on the phone?
Mother, briefly

12. Person you hung out with?
Dan

13. Place you went out to eat?
John's Bagels

14. Time you worked?
Yesterday

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 18:16:43 GMT

YEAR-END SURVEY...

1.) Where did you bring in 2006?: on my skydiving vacation in florida, it was probably the best new year's i've ever had.

2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day?: single durrrrr

3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)?: yes, both semesters actually

4.) How did you earn your keep?: mooched off my savings

5.) Did you ever have to go to the hospital?: i went to the er in july

6.) Did you have an encounter with the police?: nope

7.) Where did you go on vacation?: maine, florida, going to austria on friday

8.) What did you purchase that was over $500?: my tattoo

9.) Did you know anybody who got married?: my uncle

10.) Did you know anybody who passed away?: i don't think so

11.) Have you ran into anybody you graduated high school with?: yes

12.) Did you move anywhere?: teaneck

13.) What sporting events did you go to?: yeah right

15.) Are you registered to vote?: of course

16.) If so, did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 7?: actually. no. i would have, but because my mom has moved 3x in the past year or two, my residence was uncurrent and they didn't let me vote

17.) Where do you live now?: teaneck/mahwah

18.) Describe your birthday: it was just the other day so i remember...went running, got my tattoo touched up, saw my dad, went out to dinner with kpurn and leeat, and hung out with them and zotis after

19.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006?: errr :x

20.) What is one thing you regretted this year?: yeah not sharing that

21.) What's something you learned about yourself?: a lottttt. but i shall not put that here

22.) Any new additions to your family?: just in '05. two new ones are coming in '07

23.) What was your best month?: i am going to say june

24.) What from pop culture will you remember 2006 by?: ah nothing

25.) How would you rate this year with a scale from 1 (shitty) to 10 (the shit)?: 4.3

so the year is ending... confess that in 2006 you...
(x) stayed single
( ) got your first kiss
(x) kissed someone new
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) kissed in the rain
( ) had your heart broken
( ) broke someone else's heart
( ) had a stalker
(x) have a good relationship with someone
(x) questioned your sexual orientation
( ) came out of the closet
( ) had an abortion
( ) gotten married
( ) had a divorce
( ) had a gay marriage
(x) liked someone you'll never forget
(x) asked someone out
(x) broke a promise
( ) broke up with someone you still loved
(x) done something you've regretted
( ) lost a true love
( ) lost faith in love
(x) cried after hearing a song
( ) you lied answering one of these questions

WORK/SCHOOL
( ) got a promotion
( ) got a pay raise
( ) started a new job
( ) lost your job
(x) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker
( ) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got straight A's (well a 4.0)
(x) met one teacher you really like
( ) met one teacher you really hated
(x) found the subject you love
( ) failed a class
(x) cut class
(x) skipped school/college
(x) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
(x) gave the teachers a reason to teach
(x) proved yourself an idiot
(x) embarassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) got lead in the school play
( ) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget
(x) met a new friend
( ) have a group of new best friends
( ) lost a good friend

OTHER
(x) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
( ) double-dipped
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) went to a sleepover
(x) went to camp / went camping
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed til you cried
(x) flirted shamelessly
(x) visited a foreign country
(x) visited a foreign state
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something important to you
(x) got a gift you adore
(x) realized something new about yourself
(x) dyed/bleached/highlighted your hair
(x) came close to losing your life
(x) went to a party
(x) missed someone
( ) got arrested
(x) read a great book
(x) saw a great movie
( ) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
(x) saw your favorite band/artist live
( ) saw someone famous in person
(x) did something you want to tell everyone

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 06:15:23 GMT

[x] I Talk A LOT when I get really nervous.

[x] I am really ticklish.

[ ] I'm afraid of the dark.

[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is open

[ ]I can't sleep in a room if the door is closed

[ ] I am homosexual.

[x] I believe in true love.

[x] I've ran away from home

[ ] I listen to political music

[ ] I collect comic books

[x] I shut others out when I'm sad.

[x] I've stayed out all night.

[ ] I open up to others easily.

[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.

[ ] I watch the news

[x] I love Disney movies.

[x] I am a sucker for green eyes.

[x] I am a sucker for brown eyes.

[x] I am a sucker for blue eyes

[x] I dont kill bugs

[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.

[x] I've slipped and fell in public.

[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation

[ ] I love Spam

[ ] I bake well.

[ ] I have worn pajamas to class.

[ ] I want a better job

[ ] Talked on a phone for 6+ hours.

[ ] I love Dr. Phil.

[x] I like multiple people

[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.

[x] I am self-conscious.

[x] I love to laugh.

[x] I have tried alcohol.

[x] I drink alcohol on a regular basis.

[x] I have tried a cigarette.

[x] I have smoked a pack in one day.

[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.

[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.

[ ] I can't swallow pills.

[x] I have a lot of scars.

[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.

[x] I like chocolate.

[x] I bite my nails.

[ ] I am not comfortable with being me.

[x] I play computer games when I'm bored.

[x] Gotten lost in the city.

[x] Thought of suicide before.

[ ] Seen a shooting star.

[x] Gone out in public in my pajamas

[x] Hugged a stranger.

[ ] Been in a fist fight.

[ ] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose

[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.

[x] Made out in an elevator.

[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose

[x] Been skydiving.

[ ] Been bungee jumping.

[x] Gotten stitches.

[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour

[x] Bitten someone

[x] Been to Niagara Falls.

[x] Gotten the chicken pox.

[x] Crashed into a car

[x] Been to germany.

[x] Ridden in a taxi.

[x] Shoplifted.

[ ] Been fired.

[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.

[ ] Stole something from your job.

[x] Gone on a blind date.

[x] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.

[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

[x] Been to Europe.

[x] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee.

[ ] Been married

[ ] Gotten divorced

[x] Saw someone/something dying.

[ ] have a list of people you want to kill.

[x] Ridden in a car over 400 miles in one day

[x] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[ ] Thrown up in a bar.

[x] Eaten sushi.

[x] Cried in public.

[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.

[x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.

[x] Thought of someone a lot lately.

[x] Hatedddd the world.

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 02:30:48 GMT

1. If you have 10 bucks and need to buy snacks at a gas station, what do you get?
cigabum bum bums

2. If you had to be reincarnated as some sort of sea-dwelling creature, what would you be?
seals are cool

3. Who's your favorite redhead?
my cousin

4. What do you order when you're at a McDonald's?
i do not eat fast food. with the exception of a few fries one time, i have not had it since i was 13

5. Last book you read?
the careless society

7. Describe your favorite pair of underwear:
black and red, kind of lacey, they're hawwwt

8. Describe the last time you were injured:
i can't even remember

9. Of all people, with whom would you want to be stuck in a well with?
annie

10. Are there any odd things that make you feel uncomfortable?
i cannot think of anything odd, no

11. Are there any weird things that turn you on?
things? errr...not really

12. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?
my zach morris phone does not enable wallpaper

There was no 13

14. Flavor of pudding?
rice

15. What type of shirt are you wearing?
a green tank

16. Prescription medication?
not for me

17. If you could use only one form of transportation for the rest of your life, what would it be?
ohhhh man a hovercraft FOR SURE

18. How many people are on your friends list?
i don't really know

19. How many people on your list do you know in real life?
most

20. What are you listening to right now?
simon and garfunkel duhhh

22. If you could invent anything what would it be?
oh i don't nkow

23. Name a teacher you had the hots for?
devoley in arizona yummm

24. What's your favorite city?
i like tucson, and vienna and salzburg are lovely of course

25. Favorite kind of cake?
angel food

26. What's the first word that comes to mind right now?
ow

27. When was the last time you saw your mom in person?
wednesday

28. Who got you to join Myspace?
uhhh i do not recall

29. What did you have for dinner last night?
beer actually

30. How long have you been residing in the current city you live in?
hmmm a year in mahwah for school. in teaneck...since may

31. What's the last thing you said out loud?
i cackled

32. Look to your left, what do you see?
my gecko and her poor broken arm =(

33. Who is the last person who spent $100 on you?
madre

34. When was your last kiss?
=)

35. What's the last piece of clothing you bought?
i bought new black pants since i live in black pants and my others were pretty much demolished!

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 02:41:35 GMT

[1] What is your middle name?
Josephine!

[2] What color is your mailbox?
brown, i think?

[3] Are you available?
yes

[4] Have you ever hit a deer?
very close

[5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?
ummm no i don't believe that i do

[7] Who checks the mail in your house?
mostly mom, since i am not there often

[8] Do you have a small driveway?
my mom lives in an apartment so there isn't one...dad's is pretty decent-sized

[9] Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you?
hmm maybe not because my phone is so old and it's a generic ringer

[10] What do you do first in the morning?
piss

[11] What brand is your printer?
ibm thinkpad. it's so very old and i adore it and am not anticipating its death

[12] Do you enjoy fighting with people?
of course not

[13] Is your hair naturally straight or curly?
ever so straight

[14] Who was your kindergarten teacher?
errrr no idea! someone in london whose name i do not recall

[16] Are you taller than your mother?
ever so slightly

[17] Do you have a favorite word?
uhh no

[18] Are you God?
durrr. no, silly

[20] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?
it's all right

[21] Does anything hurt on your body right now?
the left corner of my aorta

[22] Do you often cry during a movie?
yes, occasionally

[25] Do you hate your life?
there is a lot that i would like to change and enhance

[26] Do you get mad easily?
just at myself. that sounds real emo!

[27] Do you smoke?
i do!

[28] What is your biggest pet peeve?
there are plenty of things i get annoyed at during times of irritability, yes. i don't know the biggest one

[30] Do any of your friends have kids?
yep

[32] Who should pay on the first date?
whoever asks for the date

[33] How many years older than you are you willing to date?
up to..hmm 32ish

[34] Do you have any friends?
some

[35] Do you have any mean friends?
everyone can be mean

[36] What is the ugliest color in your opinion?
purple

[37] Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn't stand?
not really, maybe

[38] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously?
mmm. again, emo

[40] Do you itch your ears?
if they are itchy?

[42] What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing right now?
i'm wearing sweatpantz

[43] How tall are you?
5'4.5"

[45] What is on your feet?
skin

[48] Do you want to have kids?
never

[49] What is the brightest color you're wearing?
blue

[50] Who is your best friend?
jim & annie

[55] Do you like your dad?
i respect him

[56] Do you have any TV shows on DVD?
no

[57] Are you wearing make up?
no

[58] Do you have a tattoo?
three

[61.] Do you know how to draw?
yes

[63] Who is your hero?
my aunt

[64] Who did you last IM?
elvis

[65.] Do you work a lot of hours?
i am currently unemployed outside of the classroom

[66] What do you do when you are stressed out?
cry, talk, isolate. it depends.

[67] Who was the last person that called you?
adam

[68] Is there anything you regret?
yes, like tuesday

[69] Do you know where your family name originated from?
austria and various other places

[70] Is there an animal that creeps you out?
opossums

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 19:00:01 GMT

1. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
natty light, yesss

2. Do you follow college football?
absolutely not

3. How many miles does your car have on it?
ohhh i just hit 50,000 =(

4. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
tim

5. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
with andrew over the summer

6. Are you happy?
meh

7. Where was the last place you went shopping?
7-11. it's where my savings account seems to be being poured into

8. How do you feel about your hair?
i think i feel pretty decent about it

9. Where do you work?
i am unemployed!!

10. Last thing you ate?
corn pops, mm

11. Do you wish you were someplace else right now?
perhaps in bed

12. Last time you smoked a cigarette?
an hour ago-ish

13 ran away,
k

14. AIM or MSN?
aim

15. What classes are you taking now?
social ecology, chemistry, forest resources, environmental science

16. How many hours on average do you work a week?
hah

17. Who do you like right now?
there are several

18. Favorite NFL team?
ew

19. Do you watch the Olympics?
not so much

20. Last restaurant you went to?
i don't even remember

21. Who was the last person to call you?
madre

22. What's your sign?
sadge

23. Do you have a favorite number?
four

24. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donation?
i donated to world wildlife fund kind of recently

25. What do you spend the majority of your money on?
coffee and cigarettes.

26. Where does most of your family live?
nj, ny, austria

27. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
a bro and half bro

28. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
no

30. Got any guilty pleasures?
sex and the city

31. Do you drink beer?
only

32. Have you ever experienced true love?
i thought so. it was unrequited

33. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?
definitely not

34. Ever ordered anything online?
lots

35. Myspace or Facebook?
it's a toss up

36. Do you have T-Mobile?
nope

37. What was your favorite subject?
french & english

38. Do you usually fall for the "bad boys or nice guys"?
eh whatever

39. Last time you saw your parents?
i saw mommie yesterday

40. Do you have any talents?
perhaps

41. Ever been in a wedding?
a bridesmaid for my aunt

42. Do you have any children?
oh never

43. Last movie you watched?
the fountain, which i'm going to see again shortly

44. Are you missing anyone at the moment?
yeah i am

45. Did you take a nap today?
no but i will very much need one by the eve

46. What is your high school mascot?
indian? i think

47. Ever been on a cruise?
nope

48. Favorite vacation spot?
austria, maine

49. Do you have any wealthy friends?
a few come from very wealthy families

50. Ever met anyone famous before?
bill murray, kind of. he was in the same boot camp class as me at the gym, i talked to his bro but not him

51. Favorite actor?
jake gyllenhaal, jared leto

52. Favorite actress?
natalie portman, jennifer connelley

53. Are you multi-tasking right now?
not really

54. Could you handle being in the military?
i say yes now but i doubt it

55. Are you hungry or thirsty?
hmm not really, no

56. Favorite fast food restaurant?
i haven't had fast food since i was 13

57. What is your average cell phone bill?
way too much

58. Do you own a camera phone?
no

59. Ever had to take a sobriety test?
heh no

60. Do you believe in Karma?
yes i do

61. Can you speak any other languages?
german, bits of french & italiano

62. Last time you went to the gym or worked out?
yesterday

63. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
10ish. they are all old except for 2 or 3 because they have accumulated themselves over the years

64. Do you have a photo hosting site that you use?
nope

65. Last place you drove your car:
back to school from momz

66. What is your college mascot?
a roadrunner

67. Ever been to Vegas?
no desire to go there

68. Have you ever bought condoms?
of course

69. What do you think is your best feature?
my hair and my ass

70. Have you ever been gambling?
no

72. How old are your parents?
44

73. When is the last time you updated your blog?
a few weeks ago

74. Do you have your wisdom teeth?
i do not believe so

75. Favorite place to be?
outdoors

76. Have you been to New York City?
yes

77. Favorite sit down restaurant?
veggie heaven is gahreat

78. Ever been to Disney?
no

79. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
stewie is kool

80. Last thing you cooked?
i really can't remember

81. Hows the weather?
gorgeous, kind of windy

82. Do you e-mail?
i do

83. Last letter/piece of mail you received besides junk or a bill?
i don't remember

84. Favorite store?
bookstores

85. Are you dating someone right now?
no

86. Last voicemail you received?
mom

87. Do you drunk dial?
oh god yes, but more drunk texting

88. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
threw it

89. What is the best city in the state that you have lived in?
wait... what?

90. Favorite band?
ego likeness

91. Last time you were sick?
it's been a long time

92. Are you bored right now?
kind of, but i am about to liven up my day by urinating

93. Last concert you went to?
tool!

94. Do you watch reality tv?
yeah right

95. What are your plans for tomorrow?
mother-daughter bonding, awww. we're working on it.

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 18:37:42 GMT

What is the geekiest part of your music collection?
mmm probably creed!

What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?
cereal

What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
this week it was definitely the fountain

If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
oh the nose. but i can't afford that shit and i wouldn't do it

Do you have a completely irrational fear?
oh many

What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
peeing all over myself

Do you have too many love interests?
hah oh yes

Do you know anyone famous?
no i do not

Describe your bed.
hard ramapo bed. my bed at my mom's is a big mush of heaven though

Who would play you in a movie?
oh i dn't know

Do you know how to play poker?
i used to play all the time and can't remember at all

What do you carry with you at all times?
my thoughts

Are you happy with your given name?
meh. i guess it isn't that important

How much money would it take to get you to give up the internet for one year?
not a lot. i could do without it, although i do stay in touch with many people via it

If you could only fulfill one of your fantasies, which would it be?
oOo i cannot put that here ;)

What was the last song you were listening to?
Bridge over troubled H2O

Have you ever been in love?
once

Do you talk a lot?
i can

Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
yes

Do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
i lack a girl/boyfriend

What is your ideal marriage location?
errr... i don't think about it

Favorite fabric?
favorite fabric? wtf?

Something you love and hate?
humanity

What's the one language you want to learn?
spanish or portuguese, although they are similar

How do you eat an apple?
i'm ocd with apples and eat them all the same but it's hard to explain

What do you order at a bar?
good beer. but bars are overrated and overpriced, hence the constant purchases of natty light

Have you ever pierced your body parts?
not myself

Do you have tattoos?
drei

What's one trait you hate in a person?
arrogance, close-mindedness

What was your most frivolous purchase?
cigabums, so not worth it

Do you consider yourself materialistic?
absolutely not

What do you cook the best?
uhhhm couscous, yum

Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
blend in

What kind of books do you like to read?
poems, fiction, astrology books :P

If you won the lottery, what would you do?
donate tons of that

Burial or cremation?
cremation for sure

Do you have a fetish?
:D

What's one thing you're a loser at?
life hahaha

How many drinks before you're tipsy?
uhh two lolzzz

Do you think you're cute?
errr...

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 18:17:47 GMT

100. First off, whats ur name?
Rebecca

99. Why were u named that?
No idear. i was supposed to be Alexandra which would have been so much kooler

98. Who is ur best friend?
Jimmish

97. Do u have any siblings?
Yes,a brosef, and a half bro

95. Favorite color?
Black of course

94. Who is ur favorite NFL team?
sure..

93. What does the 7th message in ur text inbox on your phone say?
i don't have any in my inbox

92. What about the 13th?
yeah

91. Who sits behind u in 2nd period?
that's like soo high school

90. Who sits to the left?
yup

89. Where is ur mom right now?
i believe she is in teaneck

87. Who is the 5th person u got a missed call from?
momma

86. Closest black object?
The keyboard

85. Closest silver object?
cellular

84. Have u ever jumped a fence running from a cop?
no

83. Do u sing in the shower?
No

82. Do u own any pets?
isis!

81. How does ur hair look right now?
slightly wet and in a ponytail

80. Last time u listened to country music?
a year ago-ish. yes i went through the phase

79. Have u ever been to a concert/shows?
surely

78. If u could kill someone would you?
i highly doubt it

77. What are ur fears?
failure i suppose

76. Do u still pee ur pants?
hey. when you gotta go you gotta go

75. What do u hear right now?
the cure

74. How many drugs are in ur system right now?
leftover booze in the bloodstream? or maybe it's gone now, i do not know

73. What kind of drunk are u?
giggly, touchy

72. What are u wearing?
clothing

71. Last person u commented?
oh i don't know

70. Do u sing?
i do!

69. Since were on the number?
i just had this conversation this morning, yes.

68. Screamo or Country?
really neither

67. Rock or Rap?
rock

66. Last person u sent naked pictures to?
errrr... no

65. Who did u last call?
elvis

64. Who last called u?
momma

63. What jewelry do u wear daily?
many earrings, other piercing jewelry, necklace

62. Are u happy right now?
really happy? no. i can fake it.

61. Who did u last say u loved?
probably my mother

60. Would u die for someone?
Yes

59. If so, who?
select friends and people i know

58. Who wants to hang out with u tonight?
who knows

57. What do u smell right now?
air

56. Do u have to pee right now?
actually i was just about to go. too much coffeeeee

55. What did u do last night?
drank entirely too much cheap beer

54. What are you doing/did you do today?
mewviez

52. Do u pick ur nose?
eh not really

51. Do u cuss?
constantly

50. Bed sheet color?
pink and white

49. Wall color?
white

48. Have u ever had sperm in ur eyeball?
yeah! twice. it's rather unpleasant, that shit burns

47. Do u cut urself?
:/

45. Do u have makeup on right now?
small amounts

43. Are u shy?
i can be

42. Your hero?
my aunt

41. Last alcoholic beverage u consumed?
yeahhhhh natty light!

40. Fav. icecream?
soy delicious

39. Have u ever layed with a member of the opposite sex?
surely

38. America or Canada?
canada

37. What makes u mad?
mostly my mom

36. what if u found out you were adopted?
that'd be okay

35. Jeans or Sweatpants?
hmm. it's situational & depends on the mood

34. Do u like guys/girls with short or shaggy hair?
that all depends

33. Name 5 things in ur room?
uhhhh beer, pictures, books, a bed, clothing

34 Do u have socks on?
si

31. Do u own any big sunglasses?
never

30. Have u ever cried so hard u puked?
ehmm...no

29. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes

28. Black or White?
black

27. Hollister or Hot Topic?
ew

26. Have u recently talked to an ex?
all night

24. Do u miss anyone right now?
yeah i do

23. Do u ever use sarcasm?
no (haha) wow that was bad

22. Have u ever went to school without a purse?
yeah

21. Are u a good singer?
most likely not

19. Have u ever laughed so hard u cried?
mmhmm!

17. Do u shower naked?
it's rare

16. Ever talked on the phone all night?
yes when i used to really enjoy talking on the phone

13. Do u speak any other languages?
fluent deutsch, some french & italian but not nearly enough =(

12. What day is it?
today is saturday

10. Do u love ur friends?
yes

09. Are u in band?
no

08. Do u like ur music loud or soft?
it depends

07. First female name u think of?
natalie

06. First male name u think of?
bob

05. What were u doing an hour ago?
drinking 7-11 coffee

04. Last beverage drank?
kaffee

03. What is ur current worry?
lots but i won't put there here

02. What is ur eye color?
blue-grey

01. Are u happy this is over?
eh. i'm killing time

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 03:56:44 GMT

Australian
[] you wear flip flops all year
[] you call flipflops thongs not flip flops
[] you love a backyard barbie
[] you know a barbie is not a doll
[] you love the beach
[x] sometimes you swear without realizing
[] you're a sports fanatic!!
[] you are tanned
[] you're a bit of a bogan
[] you scratch your butt without shame
[] you have an australian something (thongs, shirt, phone sock, etc.)
Total= 1

Italian
[] the Sopranos is a great show.
[] your last name ends in a vowel
[x] your gradmother makes her own sauce
[] you know how a real meatball tastes.
[] you know a lot of italian songs.
[] you have dark hair and dark eye color
[] you speak some italian.
[] you are under 5'10''.
[]pizza is the best food in the world.
[x] you talk with your hands.
Total= 2

Hispanic
[] you say member instead of REmember
[] you speak spanish
[] you love tacos.
[] yoU TyPe lIkE ThIs On Da CoMpUtEr.
[] you are dark skinned
[] you know what a Bodega is.
[x] you talk fast.
[x] you have had highlights or dyed your hair.
[] you have darkhair/ dark eyes
Total= 2

Russian
[] you say villian as: Vee-lon
[] you get short tempered
[x] you know of sombody named boris/natasha
[x] white skinned
[x] cold weather/snow is the best
[x] you get cold easily
[x] snow is fun for you
[] you get into contests often
[x] You can easily make do with the cold weather
Total= 6

Irish
[x] you think beer is the best
[] You have a bad temper.
[] Your last name starts with a Mc OR Murph or O' or Fitz or ends with a ly,on,un,an,ry.
[x] you have blue or green eyes.
[x] you like the color green.
[x] you have been to a st.pattys day party.
[] you have family from Ireland.
Total = 4

Black
[]you say nigga/nukka casually
[] You have nappy hair
[] you LOVE/LIKE rap (I like it, not love it)
[] you talk with slang
[] you know how to shoot a gun
[x]you think President George Walker Bush is racist
[] you like chicken
[x] you like watermelon
[] you can dance nasty
[]you can ‘sing’ gospel
[]your parents said they found you in the jungle in Africa thats not black
Total= 2

Asian
[] you have slanty eyes
[x] you like rice a lot
[x] you are smart
[x] you have played the piano
[]you have family from asia
[] you have teeny feet
[x] you laugh sometimes covering your mouth
[] most people think your chinese
[] you call hurricanes typhoons
[] you go to Baulko
Total = 4

German
[x] you like bread
[x] you think American Chocolate would be better with less Sugar
[x] you drink your soda without ice
[x] you Speak German
[x] you know what Schnitzel is and you love it (durrrrr that's Austrian!!)
[] you are Catholic or Lutheran
[x] you hate it when stupid people call you a Nazi
[x] you went to Kindergarten/Pre-school
[] you're over 5' 10"
Total = 7

Canadian
[x] you like/play/played hockey
[x] you love beer
[] You say eh
[x] you don't believe war is the answer
[] you know what poutine is
[x] you speak some french
[] you love Tim Horton's
[] at one point you lived in a cabin
[ ]you watch(ed) Degrassi
Total= 4

i'm german, here,...but really we all know that i'm very much austrian ;)

and more

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 03:15:20 GMT

Today Did You--

1. Talk to the boy/girl you like today?
no =(

2. Realize anything new?
yes, i realize new things each day

3. Talk to an ex?
yes

4. Miss someone?
yes, many a people

LAST PERSON WHO--

5. Slept in your bed?
E

6. Saw you cry?
my therapist

7. You went to the movies with?
e-man to see borat

8. You went to the mall with?
my cousin - yay for walking out of the pet store with a huge-ass thing of gecko-bedding :D

9. Last person you fought with?
the mother, of course

10. Who made you laugh?
probably uncle jesse on full house

11. Person who pissed you off?
madre, and various slow-walkers at the mall hah. i am impatient when it comes to walking

13. Last thing you bought?
i bought christmas cards, and a gift for my stepmom

JUST PLAIN QUESTIONS

14. What book are you reading now?
eh, it's scattered. i am generally reading a lot of different ones.

15. Best feeling in the world?
errr...ummm...orgasm? haha not really...i like to think the best feeling is self-love and being completely comfortable in one's own skin. i aim for that one day...

16. Worst feeling in the world?
there are a lot...self-loathe for one, and knowing me/everyone/everything if a mess and feeling powerless to do anything about it

17. Piercing/Tattoos?
oh yes, plenty

18. What are you most scared of right now?
a lot, i won't write it here

19.Do you want to get married?
i don't know that it is in the cards

20. What do you really hate?
bitches

21. Does anyone really hate you?
perhaps

22. Do you like being around people?
yes

23. Have you ever cried?
no, never..?

24. Are you lonely right now?
mmhmm, generally

25. Song stuck in your head right now?
the boxer

26. Been on radio/TV/newspaper?
newspapahhh

27. Ever liked someone, but they never noticed you?
sure

28. Ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
sure

29. How many beds did you lay in yesterday?
two, at dadz and at skool

30. What color shirt are you wearing?
black

31. Name three things that you do every day?
pee, drink, think

32. How much cash do you have right now?
10 in my wallet

33. Who are you talking to right now?
glenn and leeat

34. Last resturant you went to?
stateline diner

35. Who got you to join myspace?
i can't even remember

36. What did you have for dinner?
shit

37. What's your favorite candy bar?
eh

38. What's your favorite movie?
i heart huckabees

39. What web site do you visit the most?
facebook, webmail

40. Do you have plants in your room?
in my gecko's cage, heh

41. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
yes

42. Who called you last?
mom

43. What's your favorite starbucks drink?
plain black coffee

44. Would you have a problem if your friend went after your ex?
perchance, but i doubt it

yep, i'm this bored

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 02:27:36 GMT

GIRLS SURVEY

1. Do you forget to take off your makeup when you go to sleep?
i hardly wear make-up...but when i do, yes. i really don't care to take it off because it's never much

2. Have you kissed anyone on your top friends list?
sure

3. Are you happy with your looks?
err..uhhh.. not so much. sometimes, in rare moments

4. Do you enjoy drama?
never

5. Are you a girly girl?
absolutely not

7. Do you hate cramps?
eh, i don't really care

8. Are you short?
5'4... sort of short-ish

9.Do you like someone right now?
yes, i do

10. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
it has happened, one time being a stranger at a wal-mart when i was in flagstaff...and after it happened i was wishing i had slapped him

11. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
nope

12.Do you think you're conceited?
no

12. Are you a bitch?
hopefully not

13. Have you ever gotten into a cat fight?
no

14. Who would you like to hit right now?
i don't think anyone

15. Which class is most boring in school?
forest resources, but only because it is 3+ hours with the most monotone (however, also one of the sweetest) professors

16. What class do you love the most?
envisci is pretty swell. and i am not going to lie but when i understand it, i do somehow enjoy chemistry in some bizarro way

17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
i certainly hope not

18. Do you call anybody by their last name?
here and there, hardly

20. How many guys do you think will end up reading this?
hooo carez

Girl Confessions
[x] I'm single. [For girls]
[ ] I'm taken.
[x] I'm straight.
[ ] I'm gay.
[x] I'm bi.
[ ] I'm easy and sleazy.
[x] I do wear make up.
[ ] When I walk by mirrors, I can't help but look.
[ ] When I walk by mirrors, I like what I see.
[ ] When I walk by mirrors, I just make sure I don't look too gross.
[x] When I walk by mirrors, I hate what I see.
[x] I wear toe nail polish.
[x] I have cried at a movie theater.
[ ] I've purposely talked to a guy/girl my boyfriend/girlfriend didn't like.
[ ] I love chocolate covered pretzels.
[ ] Getting a flower makes me smile, especially for no reason.
[ ] I can't put mascara on without opening my mouth.
[ ] I'd basically do anything for that special guy.
[ ] I get jealous easily.
[x] I love cuddling.
[x] I think Johnny Depp is sexy.
[ ] I've gotten a detention.
[ ] I've gotten suspended.
[ ] I've gotten expelled.
[x] I love to laugh.
[x] I like rock.
[x] I like death/grind/black metal.
[ ] I like rap.
[ ] I like crust.
[ ] I like punk.
[x] I carry a purse.
[ ] I'd be lost without my cell phone.
[x] I'd be lost without my mp3/CD player/iPOD.
[ ] I own/did own a Spice Girls CD.
[ ] I own/did own a Britney Spears CD.
[ ] I own/did own a boy band CD.
[ ] I don't get bored watching football.
[ ] I love athletic boys.
[ ] I love skater guys.
[ ] I love punk guys.
[ ] I love gangsta guys.
[ ] I love scene guys.
[ ] I love gothic guys.
[ ] I love geeky guys.
[ ] I love country guys.
[x] I love guys that are just themselves. No matter what style.
[x] Guys are confusing.
[x] I've been called a tease.
[ ] I've been called a slut.
[x] I've been called a bad influence.
[x] Lip gloss is better than lipstick.
[ ] I play video games, even when there's other people around.
[x] My friends are the best.
[x] I would do anything for my friends.
[x] I have an addiction.
[ ] I drink way too much.
[x] I want a tattoo.
[x] I have a tattoo.
[x] I have piercings other than my ears.
[x] I have been to more than 5 concerts.

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 18:49:17 GMT

1) Are you in a complicated relationship?
i am not in one

2) Do you hate more than 3 people?
i don't hate anyone

3) How many houses have you lived in?
oh goodness... ummm 13ish? that includes apartments though

4) Favorite candy bar?
umm not really sure

5) Are you dumb?
a bit, maybe hah

6) Have you ever tripped someone?
nahh

7) Least favorite school subject?
hmm...chemistry

8) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
5-10 maybe

9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD?
nah

10) Have you ever thrown up in public?
yes

11) Name one thing that is always on your mind:
something i wish wasn't

13) What is your zodiac sign?:
sagittarius

14) What time were you born?
3:45pm austrian time

15) Do you like beer?
love it

16) Have you made a prank phone call?
yes my brother and i used to do that constantly when we were younger

17) What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
blink-182, ewww

18) Are you sarcastic?
i can be

19) what are your favorite colors
black and burgundy

20) How many watches do you own?:
none

21) Summer or winter?
winter

22) Is anyone in love with you?
i don't think so

23) Favorite color to wear?:
Black, brown

24) Pepsi or Sprite?
sprite zero

26) Where is your second home?
no where

27) Have you ever slapped someone?
yes, in middle school

29) How many lamps are in your bedroom?
none

30) How many video games do you own?
zero

31) What was your first pet?
a hamster

32) Where do you want to live when you are older?
so many places... definitely new york state, maine, austria, and tucson

33) Do looks matter?
a bit

34) Do you use chapstick?:
occasionally

36) American Eagle or Abercrombie?
neither

37) Are you forgiving?
yes

38) How many children do you want?
zerooooo

39) Do you own something from Hot Topic?
yes

40) Favorite breakfast meal?
bagels are good, and coffee

41) Do you own a gun?
no

42) Ever thought you were born in the wrong decade?:
sometimes

44) What did you do 3 nights ago?
drank a lot of cheap beer

45) Olive Garden?
i have been once when i was in AZ

46) Have you ever called your teacher mommy?
no

47) Have you ever been in a castle?
yes, in Austria and other parts of Europe

48) Nicknames?
reb, becks, becky, becca, whatever

49) Do you know anyone named Bertha?
no

50) Ever been to Kentucky?
nope

51) Do you own something from Banana Republic?
my dad bought me gloves and a scarf from there, so yes

52) Are you thinking about somebody right now?
yes i am

53) Ever called somebody Boo?
no

54) Do you own a diamond ring?
nope

55) Do you want to witness a tornado?
hmm not really although it would be very interesting, i'm sure

56) Are you happy with your life right now?
no. there is a lot that needs adjustment

57)Do you like your hair?
yes i do

58) Does anyone have a crush on you?
i don't know.

60) What were you doing in May 2004?
finishing my 1st year of college at NAU

61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?
hellllllzzzzz no

64) Are you closer to your mother or father?
i'm working on being much closer with my father...

65) Favorite physical features of the preferred sex?
eh, it's different all the time

66) Are you afraid of the dark?
no

67) Have you ever eaten paste?
no

68) Do you own a webcam?:
no

70) Ever broke a bone?
not yet, surprisingly enough

71) Are you religious?:
not at all

72) Do you chat on AIM often?
yes

73) Pringles or Lays?:
hmmm, baked lays

74) Have you ever broken someone’s heart?:
i don't think so

76) Full House or The Brady Bunch?:
definitely full house, although brady bunch is nice at times

77) Did you like your high school guidance counselor?
not so much

78) Has anyone ever called you a tease?
yes

79) Do you have a birth mark?
yes, on my arm. it's very faint

80) Do you own a car?
mmhmm, i love her

81) Can you cook?
some things

82) Something that annoys you:
myself somethings... random little things

83) Do you text message often?:
when i am drunk, constantly

84) Money or love?
love

85) Do you have any scars?:
many

86) What do you want more than anything right now?
wellness

87) Do you enjoy scary movies?
yes

88) Relationships or one night stands?
relationships

89) Big Red or Juicy Fruit?
big red is pretty delish

90) Have you seen all the Rocky movies?
none

92) Do you own a box of crayons?
yup!

93) Ever had sex in a public place?
no

94) Who was the last person you said I love you to?
my aunt

95) Who was the last person that made you mad?
mom

96) Who was the last person that made you cry?:
myself

97) Who was the last person that made you laugh?
carson

98) Who was the last person that texted you?
tim, i think

99) Who was the last person that called you?
carson

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 03:06:41 GMT

massive attack came on my ipod and it's really appropriate for right now.
i am sad.
i don't know why.
i did very bad things today, again. i had two and a half good days that felt absolutely amazing. i want it to last. i want to be able to cope with the negative in a productive manner. i'm destructive.
there are a lot of ways to look at things. maybe i'm worth it and i can get better. but what does it honestly matter? people seem to just come and go and float through life and die. i don't think i really care. maybe i don't care enough and i'm too goddamn pessimistic and that's why i haven't gotten better.
because it isn't worth it.
i feel like all the times i think of how wonderful life is and how great it can still be and how much i have to give and receive...like that is all falsified. i'm floating on some sort of cloud of idealism that just isn't real.
what is real?
i feel like my brain has broken apart and is branching off into hundreds of directions and tripping over itself.
i'm pretty drained. worn.
i drew a picture today. i tried to forgive myself after bad experience #1. i thought i did and i thought i was onto something. then i let the negative thoughts roll in and get the best of me. it didn't occur to me to just let them pass. of course they would have rolled over and moved on. acceptance. i want to learn to accept thoughts and feelings for what they are and to accept the fact that they are not forever.
i do not feel well. my body does not feel well. i want to love it and not damage it.
='(
i can't even cry. i feel so absolutely numb and detached from myself and i feel like i care and don't care and want and don't want.
fuck man. this is fucking life.
it can be whatever the hell i want. and why am i stuck here. why why why, why did i do this, why did i drag myself down here, why am i somehow letting myself stay here.
i want to do what i want to do. fuck fuck fuck.

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 19:50:11 GMT

i want out.
yeah.
i don't really know what out is...but out. of. this.

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 21:26:49 GMT

these feelings feel so real, uninhibited, uncensored. i feel lost and scared and overwhelmed and unsure.
i feel like i am almost going insane.

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 01:39:49 GMT

cheap beer and cold coffee.
that's what i'm drinking right now, and it's halfway decent.

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 03:59:11 GMT

i'm really wondering why my mom can't accept me as i am. why do i need to prove things to her? why do i have to be a certain way? parents should accept their children as they are. in this case, she needs to accept me for me, with or without a job right now. yes, i quit my job. i had to quit my job - for my sanity and well-being. i actually did something good for myself. and what happens? i am reprimanded. i'm made to believe that i'm a bad person who makes stupid decisions and isn't worthy of love. and i turn her beliefs of me inward, into myself. i've learned to do that over the years, and so the cycle continues. i know it's there, and i know it has to be broken. actually breaking it could take a lifetime. i keep getting tired of this constant effort, of all these constant efforts. i feel that, in the time of waiting for change whilst being proactive, i am just going to cave somewhere along the way. i can't see any change, because i'm in a constant cloud. you can't see things when you are in them. i can't see recovery, or insanity, because i'm in or out of it. i can't see the steps forward i make or the spiral downward that i'm falling into, because i'm in it. and somewhere along one of these paths, i feel i'm going to break. i'm hanging on by a fucking silken thread, and it's going to snap or i am going to snap it. that is how i feel, anyway.

step 1: We admitted we were powerless over food - that our lives had become unmanageable.
yes, my life is unmanageable. i am completely and utterly powerless over the simple, life-sustaining atoms that are food. why? i don't know. i am ill. i am insane when it comes to food, in every sense of the 6-letter word. i simply cannot function, and that is just how some of us are. i feel that i could learn to accept this. i also feel that many people cannot or do not want to accept this about me. i find this highly frustrating. i do not want to feel as though i need acceptance and affirmation from others in order to accept myself. i don't feel anyone should need that, so why do i feel it for myself?
believe me. i want to say "fuck what this person or that person thinks." i can say that and consciously believe that (sometimes)...but i don't think i feel it in my heart. i don't trust or love myself enough to honestly believe that i know what is best for me and that i have the ability to do that thing that is best for me. i don't have the faith in me. it hasn't been instilled as it may have for others. i want it there. i'm missing it. i feel like that is one of the voids i try to fill with food. yes, i just figured that out. maybe i ought to write more and figure more things out.
something has to give.
i'm powerless. i admit it.

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 01:27:47 GMT

i feel lonely. i don't feel like going to sleep tonight because i will be alone in my bed with myself. i don't like to be in my head most of the time, and it's hard to fall asleep with myself.
so i am in oa now, and i'm feeling more willing to change. i've had a string of horrendously bad days this week, and i hate this. it's always something. i think i quit my job today because it isn't healthy for me and i know this in my heart. i have to trust my conscience on this, because i know that is the truth. i feel that the only reason i have stayed with my job for 5 years is because it's familiar and comfortable. i am scared of change, but i need a change for my well-being. i simply cannot work around food because i am powerless. that's all there is to it. i have a disease and it is entirely beyond my control.
i'm working to regain control...and until then, i simply can't work there. i very much wish my mother understood. she is very angry with me right now, but...that's beyond my control and i can't change her reaction/response to my actions.
i want to weed out everything that inhibits/prohibits my recovery. i have the strongest desire to recover. i'm even working on accepting a higher power in my life and that higher power is my beloved gaia =)
i think i am going up to albany tomorrow, which i am excited for. it will be nice to see the family again, even though i just saw them last week. grandpa wasn't there, though, and now he is...i have kick ass grandparents :o)
it's amazing how badly i want to binge and purge when i feel lonely. i can't put into words how hard it is to resist most of the time. i'm writing right now because i want to stop myself.
anyway. i'm going to call someone. bye byez

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 03:56:46 GMT

i feel like i am fighting to BREATHE. it feels like everything is just going down down down, spiraling downward in a continuous, neverending quest for the bottom.
there is so much crap, i can't even begin. i don't want to begin because i don't want to think about it.
sometimes it feels like my body is going to give up any second. how can someone have hope during times like these? "have faith... have hope... keep trying..." it's SO easy to say, but HOW is it done? i don't fucking understand anything, or the way anything works or is supposed to work.
i'm totally falling apart.

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 23:32:24 GMT

i fucking hate my mother. what a slut

Wed, 24 May 2006 03:12:49 GMT

You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.

</td>

Paganism

83%

agnosticism

83%

atheism

71%

Buddhism

71%

Satanism

71%

Judaism

67%

Hinduism

67%

Islam

58%

Christianity

21%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
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Mon, 24 Apr 2006 01:33:14 GMT

i am just going to shut the fuck up, not write, not talk about any of my crap. apparently everyone has a problem with it, and they can all just kiss my ass.
maybe i can somehow die and no one will have to think about all the burdens i put on them.

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 22:39:34 GMT

WHY is nothing ever my mom's fault? it's always my fault.
i didn't go to easter lunch (fuck easter, anyway), because i had to write a paper. my fault. i "should have" written the paper on saturday instead of going to the ranch. oops, sorry for doing something i wanted to do, mom. my fault.
fuck her.

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 23:20:51 GMT

i'm not sure why i haven't been writing in here.
a lot is going on - some good, some bad. i almost feel like i am going to jinx myself if i talk about good things.
oh well.
i'm doing a bit better with binging and purging, which is a definitely plus. it's been really hard, though...but that is to be expected. i read a quote that said "eating disorders kill; recovery is just really really hard." it's true...
i went to the ranch two days this week, and that made me very happy. my rig will be repacked by saturday, which means i can jump this weekend! i am a bit scared since it's been three months...but so excited!
i discontinued my fieldwork today. it felt like too much that i wasn't ready for, and i was having issues with the coordinator. that is weird, because i usually don't express issues i have with people, in order to avoid confrontation. i went in today expecting to talk to her about the recent things that have been going on with me and with my fieldwork. what ended up coming out was how i honestly and truthfully felt, which was that i am very unhappy in the placement. i can't blame eating disorder or self-harm behaviors on anyone but myself, but i found myself acting out when i had fieldwork and when i thought about or had to do something concerning fieldwork. i was taking my annoyance with it out on myself, which is never good. it was a trigger for some strange reason.
i guess i just can't handle some things, and some people are going to have to get over it. it's going to affect my grade, though, which i am not too happy about. i didn't feel like i could just suck it up anymore, though. we do have to write a 7-page paper on our placement, and i already have about four, which did not take long and there is still much more to write. that's not an issue at all, but the fact that i did not meet the 100 hours might be. although there is still community service i can do..hmmm.
some asshole that i was friends with judged me on all of that, when i told him. trying to tell me that i need to care about my gpa and why did i do this and why did i do that. really, i wish he would just shut up and keep things to himself. i need to learn not to tell him about anything concerning me and school...
i do need to watch out what information i do and don't reveal to people. sometimes i am really bad with that...
life is full of learning. there can really be something learned from everything.
i learned that i am not ready to become a social worker at this point. i learned that i think it is definitely something i was to get my master's degree in several years down the road.
mom and i are learning to talk about things, rather than just avoid them. sure the "talk" usually just comes out in screaming and yelling... but through all the yelling, i feel like we're picking things up from each other. sometimes, amidst all the yelling, i just say "mom... please stop" and i will just be silent. then she follows. it allows us to take a breath and to stop and think for a minute rather than just throwing words at each other. something good could be happening here. i feel like we are both trying. it doesn't feel one-sided anymore. i like that.
and i loooooove front line assembly.
isis and i hung out for quite a long time today. she was just hanging out on my shirt and on my bed and climbing all over me. i love her!
bye =)

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 06:17:23 GMT

fuck fuck fuck.
i am so fucked up, it's not even funny.
tonight was a really horrible night - again. when is this hell going to end?????
it's fucking out of control again. i am out of control again. everything is a huge fucking mess and i am so trapped.
now it's after 2am, no one is awake, i am alone.
alone in my head and with my thoughts is not a nice place for me to be, not right now.
i'm really scared and i want someone to be here with me. i wish someone could be here with me.
why did i come back to my dorm room. i should have stayed at mom's for the night.
fuck fuck.
i hate this. i hate me. i fucking hate living like this.
i'm so full of hate and contempt for myself and my illness right now. fuck compassion, i don't deserve it - not after everything i have done to myself and my life.
god fucking damn everythingggggggggggggggggggggggggg!

fuck you, rebecca.